Runners Up...
New Years Eve, 2008
Smoking green for the first time with Laurie and killing myself laughing. Cooking great local food, binging on that food and falling asleep content on the quite hillside of Bowen Island.
Seabus Rides in Vancouver... any one, any time I just love watching the city and the mountains loom closer....ahhhh
Girls night with Laura in Zurich. Sex and the City + Champagne + Paris' hotest DJ + Zurich's most adventurous femme fatale= made for one of the best nights out EVER
In no particular order...
10) February 27th 2008... New York City, USA
Dressed in a metal shirt (if you could call it that), white skinnies, my MiuMius and hot pink lipstick, I hit the town with my favorite of favorite ladies Nuala, met up with some mutual friends and rocked the martinis at Marquee.... fast forward 8 hours and I was on the bus from Hoboken to Long Island, watching the sun rise over the Manhattan skyline grinning ear to ear. Fun times.
9) May 27 -29th 2008...Gimmelweld, Switzerland
So Switzerland was full of highs. It is tough to choose between strolls by lake Zurich and cake at Sprungli, but out of all of it Gimmelweld and the Lauterbrunnen Valley were the highlight. Hiking in the Alps, soaking in hot tubs and listening to goat bells, biking through the valley with Danielle and visiting the Tremelbach waterfalls... nature at its best. It seemed as if I was living in a fairy-tale.
8) June 6th 2008...Venice, Italy
I got up early in the morning and wandered alone through the winding streets catching scenes with my camera. I watched the tourists and went in the opposite direction, and wound up at a fishermen's market. Walking among the amazing Venitian produce, and fresh fish with my red heels and red lipstick the fish mongerer's called to me, "Miss Red, Miss Red, smile at us please!!". I truly felt like I was in Italy, fresh food and sexy men.
7) June 12th 2008... Cortona, Italy
I made it, to the place where one of my favorite films was made. But the best moment was when I ordered an appetizer from the restaurant where Dianne Lane pens a postcard in Under The Tuscan Sun. Made of steamed Riddichio, local cheese, barley, cream and "local secrets" I died an went to heaven with each and every bite. And the wine....Oh, the wine!
6) June 14th... Cinque Terre, Italy
Basking in the sun, I decided to go for the best ocean swim of my life. Buoyant in the salty Mediterranean I feel head over heels for the sea, the rocky beaches and mountainous skylines of Cinque Terre. It was so, so incredible.
5) June 22nd 2008... Paris, France
After weeks of museums and galleries I found myself alone in Paris. After a search I found exactly what I was looking for. A beautiful cafe with gorgeous outdoor tables, the freshest of baguettes and streets bearing food, fashion and people to die for. That night Paris leapt to life and I found myself surrounded by musicians and beautiful Parisians partying in the streets. Magic... but what else did you expect it was Paris!!
4) July 1st 2008... Prauge, Czech Republic
Nikki, my cousin and I, walked over the moonlit St Charles' Bridge, we drank an absurd amount of booze at hidden martini bar in Prauge's old town. We found a guardian angel for the night, by the name of Marek, who decided to make it his duty to show us all that Prauge's nightlife had to offer. Two hours later I was salsa dancing to hip hop with a Mexican stranger who insisted on dancing the night away. Nikki and I walked back to our hostel barefoot, across the warm cobblestone in an empty Old Town Square watching the sun rise over some of the world's greatest feats of architecture, stumbling giggling and dancing all the way....
3) Sept. 2nd 2008... Toronto, Ontario
The first time I saw a Ryerson University sign, and knew, I had made it there.
2) October 12th, 2008... New York, USA
Coffee in Chelsea, dance class at Broadway Dance Center. Getting dressed to the nines, and meeting up with BDC's best looking ( and rather good dancing) dancer and having the most fun night out that in recent memory. Never, have I had so much fun dancing and connecting with someone.
1) December 6th, 2008... Toronto, Ontario
Locked out of my house, I got a hot cocoa with Nyomi. We watched "Love and Basketball" gushing over crushes and stories of love life tragedy till 4am. As I fell asleep watching the CNTower put on a very suggestive light show, I realized, I dream of this moment long ago and never thought it attainable. That I would be in one of Canada's Best Journalism Schools, in Canada's biggest city ( and oh so close to NYC) with a great friend and even greater opportunity ahead of me.
It has been a damn fine year....
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
infidelity and intuition
"What gives, what helps, the intuition?" asks Leslie Fiest in one of my favorite songs of all time.
I think its this very question that makes our intuition so questionable. Facts without evidence...could it be? And yet, too often the words "I knew it all along," or "I had the feeling..." grace conversations laced with regret. Those words left my mouth so many times after the events in July when an email left me knowing that my boyfriend had traded our bond in for another and cheated on me.
Few facts matter but, of them these are the few that do:
I knew....and I ignored it
When I first saw their facebook connection I knew
When she called late at nights and texted in early mornings I knew.
When he refused to introduce me to her,
When I first saw the her email accusation,
When he touched me.... I knew.
But I ignored it...
One night he crawled into bed, home later than planned, kissed my forehead and a voice inside said "He was with her," Clear as day, may as well have been written on my ceiling.
And yet, I ignored it.
Until he admitted it. Admitted that for a month he had lied to me, that when he accused me of having faltering feelings it was him who was locking himself behind bedrooms doors with a woman of reckless reputation. Admitted that it was him who had talked her out of telling me, him who had let me squirm for a month questioning why I could not connect to him when a lie so large hung over his head.
They say hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. (I question if the pain of infidelity and the scorn that it arouses is exclusive to the Y chromosome)
If I could describe what hearing those words was like, I would say that they were shattering. In a single moment everything was broken, my trust and faith, hopes and dreams for a future together, every effort, every romantic gesture, every happy memory was instantly shattered. Broken beyond repair , I felt as if I caved in the absence of all the things about us that I had used to stand tall upon; gone was this pride in a relationship that was built stepping across borders of countries, expressed in ink stain and brushstroke, suddenly all of the details did not matter. And as I crumbled I shook not only physically in my hands, but internally within my soul.
That quake, that shake, started the tsunami of destruction that left nothing untouched. I was angry, loud, lewd and violent. I hit him. I wanted to take a bat to his car, and stopped myself only because I knew that his little brother wanted it. I sent hateful messages, swore slander in his ear, I investigated and interrogated every detail. Each act was like a grain of small sand, a mere particle of the mountain of hurt that instantly arose within me. And no matter how hard I dispelled these grains of pain, no matter how many of them I spewed, those acts did nothing but scratch the surface of the injustice of infidelity.
But what was most damaging, was that tsunami also destroyed me. Blew me over and made me weak desperate for love and affection to fill the void that was left by our shattered bond. I stayed, I was swayed by the empty promises, the crocodile tears and feigned gestures of apology. Even though I still knew.... I hung on believing that from the wreckage I could still salvage the bond that once made me strong.
I listened, I waited, put my heart on hold. Until conversations turned to accusations, till name calling began and bizarre narcissistic emails commenced, till all most all promises were broken. Only then did I turn away to survey the broken pieces and let Toronto and New York mend me...
This week when I saw them walking together in the streets of Vancouver, I was not surprised. Nor was I shocked by photos of her in his arms, or his final violation of the one promise he had faked the best : that he was rid of her. Yet what did surprise me, was that in some strange way I was happy for the two of them.
The mad hatter, the compulsive liar and manipulator together with his lose mistress, 'they deserve each other,' I thought. In some weird way I am thankful to this terrible twosome.
Indeed they left me scarred, yet in wielding these wounds of experience I have learned. I have come to understand the importance of listening to whispers of wisdom that seem so fact less. Yes, I have really learned the importance of intuition
I have gained insight to what it means to be a woman. I feel that rising from the depths of such maddening heartache helps to build compassion and empathy. Like I have earned my badge to belong to the sisterhood of women done wrong, and in gaining my stripes and colours I have come to understand the bond that women all share and how we must care for each other. ( This is a whole other blog entry really)
True, there have been times when I have become unintentionally entangled in the relationships of others. There have been sad moments of fear when I realized I overstepped and became the third in a triangle of love that left me running far away in opposite directions. I regret the subsequent consequences and I will not make excuses for my actions.
In the end, despite the pain I feel privileged to have survived, to recovered and learned when so many others are not so lucky.
And at the end of the day, if nothing else, the situation makes for damn fine writing material.
I think its this very question that makes our intuition so questionable. Facts without evidence...could it be? And yet, too often the words "I knew it all along," or "I had the feeling..." grace conversations laced with regret. Those words left my mouth so many times after the events in July when an email left me knowing that my boyfriend had traded our bond in for another and cheated on me.
Few facts matter but, of them these are the few that do:
I knew....and I ignored it
When I first saw their facebook connection I knew
When she called late at nights and texted in early mornings I knew.
When he refused to introduce me to her,
When I first saw the her email accusation,
When he touched me.... I knew.
But I ignored it...
One night he crawled into bed, home later than planned, kissed my forehead and a voice inside said "He was with her," Clear as day, may as well have been written on my ceiling.
And yet, I ignored it.
Until he admitted it. Admitted that for a month he had lied to me, that when he accused me of having faltering feelings it was him who was locking himself behind bedrooms doors with a woman of reckless reputation. Admitted that it was him who had talked her out of telling me, him who had let me squirm for a month questioning why I could not connect to him when a lie so large hung over his head.
They say hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. (I question if the pain of infidelity and the scorn that it arouses is exclusive to the Y chromosome)
If I could describe what hearing those words was like, I would say that they were shattering. In a single moment everything was broken, my trust and faith, hopes and dreams for a future together, every effort, every romantic gesture, every happy memory was instantly shattered. Broken beyond repair , I felt as if I caved in the absence of all the things about us that I had used to stand tall upon; gone was this pride in a relationship that was built stepping across borders of countries, expressed in ink stain and brushstroke, suddenly all of the details did not matter. And as I crumbled I shook not only physically in my hands, but internally within my soul.
That quake, that shake, started the tsunami of destruction that left nothing untouched. I was angry, loud, lewd and violent. I hit him. I wanted to take a bat to his car, and stopped myself only because I knew that his little brother wanted it. I sent hateful messages, swore slander in his ear, I investigated and interrogated every detail. Each act was like a grain of small sand, a mere particle of the mountain of hurt that instantly arose within me. And no matter how hard I dispelled these grains of pain, no matter how many of them I spewed, those acts did nothing but scratch the surface of the injustice of infidelity.
But what was most damaging, was that tsunami also destroyed me. Blew me over and made me weak desperate for love and affection to fill the void that was left by our shattered bond. I stayed, I was swayed by the empty promises, the crocodile tears and feigned gestures of apology. Even though I still knew.... I hung on believing that from the wreckage I could still salvage the bond that once made me strong.
I listened, I waited, put my heart on hold. Until conversations turned to accusations, till name calling began and bizarre narcissistic emails commenced, till all most all promises were broken. Only then did I turn away to survey the broken pieces and let Toronto and New York mend me...
This week when I saw them walking together in the streets of Vancouver, I was not surprised. Nor was I shocked by photos of her in his arms, or his final violation of the one promise he had faked the best : that he was rid of her. Yet what did surprise me, was that in some strange way I was happy for the two of them.
The mad hatter, the compulsive liar and manipulator together with his lose mistress, 'they deserve each other,' I thought. In some weird way I am thankful to this terrible twosome.
Indeed they left me scarred, yet in wielding these wounds of experience I have learned. I have come to understand the importance of listening to whispers of wisdom that seem so fact less. Yes, I have really learned the importance of intuition
I have gained insight to what it means to be a woman. I feel that rising from the depths of such maddening heartache helps to build compassion and empathy. Like I have earned my badge to belong to the sisterhood of women done wrong, and in gaining my stripes and colours I have come to understand the bond that women all share and how we must care for each other. ( This is a whole other blog entry really)
True, there have been times when I have become unintentionally entangled in the relationships of others. There have been sad moments of fear when I realized I overstepped and became the third in a triangle of love that left me running far away in opposite directions. I regret the subsequent consequences and I will not make excuses for my actions.
In the end, despite the pain I feel privileged to have survived, to recovered and learned when so many others are not so lucky.
And at the end of the day, if nothing else, the situation makes for damn fine writing material.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Time is a ticking...
Since it is exam season I thought it appropriate to share with you my newest methods of procrastination. Wonderful Web hangouts have made themselves known to me over the past few weeks, some too good to be kept to myself. So, in the spirit of exam season I am here to share them with you all
www.jezebel.com
Run by a group of women, this site combines all things you always wanted to read but couldn't find in once place, news links, sex advice and ruthless gossip all in one fabulous blog. Many of the femme-based articles skillfully walk the line between smutty entertainment and intelligence...fun fun fun
Pot Psychology
Never in my life have I actually found something that makes me want to go and smoke something green, not until I watched this that is. It was a slow go at first but after watching a few episodes I fell hard for the hosts and their stoned antics. Those of you who are Savage Love fans, will find this equally entertaining. Rich and Tracie post weekly videos in which they answer questions under the influence of Mary Jane. Small disclaimer, if you are squeamish this is not for you, questions can tread into bizarre fetish territory, after all Tracie did write a column for Vice Magazine about how she hired a prostitute to fulfill a rape fantasy that is close to erotica.
You Tube, YouTube, YouTube
I have rediscovered my love for late 90's/early millenium R&B. Jagged Egde wearing oversized fur jackets and dancing like they're in a club to a ballad in 6/8 time... priceless.
I have also found an increadible make up artist thats inspired me to go a little further with my make up than before. While I find this useful, I fear that given the fact she only does make up on herself, it is all techniques that would be used on someone with a more caucasian eyes, so my asian sisters are a little out of luck. Still its worth a browse.
Dance videos, dance videos, dance videos.... I keep tabs on my favorites and find new ones all the time. This is how I get stoked for NYC every time.
The animations of musicANDmuffins is so heart warming that I melt everytime. My favorite, Kate Nash's Nicest Thing, a superb song and an oh so cute animation to melt your pre-exam winter woes.
www.jezebel.com
Run by a group of women, this site combines all things you always wanted to read but couldn't find in once place, news links, sex advice and ruthless gossip all in one fabulous blog. Many of the femme-based articles skillfully walk the line between smutty entertainment and intelligence...fun fun fun
Pot Psychology
Never in my life have I actually found something that makes me want to go and smoke something green, not until I watched this that is. It was a slow go at first but after watching a few episodes I fell hard for the hosts and their stoned antics. Those of you who are Savage Love fans, will find this equally entertaining. Rich and Tracie post weekly videos in which they answer questions under the influence of Mary Jane. Small disclaimer, if you are squeamish this is not for you, questions can tread into bizarre fetish territory, after all Tracie did write a column for Vice Magazine about how she hired a prostitute to fulfill a rape fantasy that is close to erotica.
You Tube, YouTube, YouTube
I have rediscovered my love for late 90's/early millenium R&B. Jagged Egde wearing oversized fur jackets and dancing like they're in a club to a ballad in 6/8 time... priceless.
I have also found an increadible make up artist thats inspired me to go a little further with my make up than before. While I find this useful, I fear that given the fact she only does make up on herself, it is all techniques that would be used on someone with a more caucasian eyes, so my asian sisters are a little out of luck. Still its worth a browse.
Dance videos, dance videos, dance videos.... I keep tabs on my favorites and find new ones all the time. This is how I get stoked for NYC every time.
The animations of musicANDmuffins is so heart warming that I melt everytime. My favorite, Kate Nash's Nicest Thing, a superb song and an oh so cute animation to melt your pre-exam winter woes.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Oh, Canada.
Peter Mansbridge just admitted to "dragging the puck" while waiting for Stephane Dion's address to the country in rebuttal to the creepy, creeeeeepy, disingenuous address to the nation by Stephen Harper.
"This shit is so Canadian its out of control," says my roommate, " Thank God no one gives a shit about us in the world, or I'd have to be really embarrassed for us."
Between the 80's fro of one of the political commentators, the plethora of patterns (polka-dot, plaid and pinstripe in one outfit) on another and the pseudo-apocolypitic storm over Parliment Hill in the CBC graphics, I admit I spent the coverage of the "crisis facing Canada" giggling like a school girl.
Here are my thoughts.
Since I am not a Canadian citizen yet, I cannot vote. Still, I would not have voted Conservative in the last election. That being said I am against the forming of a coalition.
Here is why...
Despite following the news, I still don't know WHY we are discussing, or creating apocolptic storm cloud graphics in the first place.
Since becoming PM Harper has set a precident for being the most secretive leader in Canada's history, keeping a tight leash on all his MP's and controlling what they say to the media with ferocity. So whenever Harper comes across a screen and makes decelerations or promises I simply cannot trust him. Especially when he is all smiles during an address during one of the most heated moments in recent Canadian politics. Though I really don't believe that Flahtery's announcements were really that terrible for the country, I don't have the confidence that there isn't soemthing hidden within the plethora of pages in the budget announcements.
Not trusting Harper is not aided by the fact that he is continuing to make misleading public statements. Things like claiming that forming a coalition is making deals with the Bloc, which has been confirmed to be not true (yes the Bloc will support the Coalition in matters of confidence, but will not be a part of writing budgets etc). As well, as making false statements that the coalition is violating the constitution of Canada....puh-lease.... every major newspaper in Canada has de-bunked that theory.
Of course then, there is the coalition of the NDP and the Liberals. Layton, the sore loser of the last election told Harper to accept his defeat and I couldn't help but think of a mustached barking chiwawa... all bark, no bite that's even worth mentioning. Then there is the disorganization of the Liberals that left them so late in handing in their taped statement to the networks who agreed to air it that it got cut off on CTV and Global. Whats more is that the tape was out of focus and so badly framed it made Dion look like a talking head.
As the daughter of immigrant parents, I have always had a particular skill for deciphering my way through an accent. Still when Dion begins to speak I get confused and spend so much time trying to figure out what he said that I miss parts of his statements. While that doesn't change my opinion that Dion is a learned individual who really could have done some interesting and great things for this country, had it not been for his poor communication skills.
In the end I feel that the only reason we're having this conversation is because the NDP are putting politics over the interest of Canadians and is acting to protect both their own salaries and funding to their parties. Yes, the conservatives have now retracted the statement that they would put an end to government funding for federal parties, however the orginal budget opened a huge window for a mighty power grab by a very defeated Dion to try and win leadership in the name of protecting the economic interests of every day citizens.
Do not be fooled this is all about money, power and regardless of what Dion tries to spatter, partizanship.
It will be interesting to see how Michelle Jean will weigh in on this...
I will be watching, and hopefully things will be more a less apocalyptic this time.
"This shit is so Canadian its out of control," says my roommate, " Thank God no one gives a shit about us in the world, or I'd have to be really embarrassed for us."
Between the 80's fro of one of the political commentators, the plethora of patterns (polka-dot, plaid and pinstripe in one outfit) on another and the pseudo-apocolypitic storm over Parliment Hill in the CBC graphics, I admit I spent the coverage of the "crisis facing Canada" giggling like a school girl.
Here are my thoughts.
Since I am not a Canadian citizen yet, I cannot vote. Still, I would not have voted Conservative in the last election. That being said I am against the forming of a coalition.
Here is why...
Despite following the news, I still don't know WHY we are discussing, or creating apocolptic storm cloud graphics in the first place.
Since becoming PM Harper has set a precident for being the most secretive leader in Canada's history, keeping a tight leash on all his MP's and controlling what they say to the media with ferocity. So whenever Harper comes across a screen and makes decelerations or promises I simply cannot trust him. Especially when he is all smiles during an address during one of the most heated moments in recent Canadian politics. Though I really don't believe that Flahtery's announcements were really that terrible for the country, I don't have the confidence that there isn't soemthing hidden within the plethora of pages in the budget announcements.
Not trusting Harper is not aided by the fact that he is continuing to make misleading public statements. Things like claiming that forming a coalition is making deals with the Bloc, which has been confirmed to be not true (yes the Bloc will support the Coalition in matters of confidence, but will not be a part of writing budgets etc). As well, as making false statements that the coalition is violating the constitution of Canada....puh-lease.... every major newspaper in Canada has de-bunked that theory.
Of course then, there is the coalition of the NDP and the Liberals. Layton, the sore loser of the last election told Harper to accept his defeat and I couldn't help but think of a mustached barking chiwawa... all bark, no bite that's even worth mentioning. Then there is the disorganization of the Liberals that left them so late in handing in their taped statement to the networks who agreed to air it that it got cut off on CTV and Global. Whats more is that the tape was out of focus and so badly framed it made Dion look like a talking head.
As the daughter of immigrant parents, I have always had a particular skill for deciphering my way through an accent. Still when Dion begins to speak I get confused and spend so much time trying to figure out what he said that I miss parts of his statements. While that doesn't change my opinion that Dion is a learned individual who really could have done some interesting and great things for this country, had it not been for his poor communication skills.
In the end I feel that the only reason we're having this conversation is because the NDP are putting politics over the interest of Canadians and is acting to protect both their own salaries and funding to their parties. Yes, the conservatives have now retracted the statement that they would put an end to government funding for federal parties, however the orginal budget opened a huge window for a mighty power grab by a very defeated Dion to try and win leadership in the name of protecting the economic interests of every day citizens.
Do not be fooled this is all about money, power and regardless of what Dion tries to spatter, partizanship.
It will be interesting to see how Michelle Jean will weigh in on this...
I will be watching, and hopefully things will be more a less apocalyptic this time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
